Still cant forgive myself...

Salam to all

Its been 6 years since my father left me... and since yesterday is Fathers Day, I think its better for me to write something abt what happen...
- It was final week of March 2007. I was stationed at TUDM Labuan at that time. I am suppose to go for simulator flying for two weeks in London on Saturday. So, my boss relieve me on Tuesday. In short, me and my family took the Tuesday flight to KLIA. As normal, after landed, we straight away went to my parents home in Glenmarie Shah Alam. Since the trip is a short one, me and my wife decided to go back to my wife's parents in Kedah. So, after the clearence with the authority on Wednesday, we went to Kedah. At  that time, we only have two kids. The third one is due in June.
- We finally arrived Kedah on Wednesday nite and spent some time with my parents-in-law. Then we decided to go back to Shah Alam on Friday. After the tears and kisses and so on from my parents-in-law, we left their home on Friday evening.
- We arrived my parents home at midnite. Since everybody is sleeping, including my parents, we decided not to disturb them. We quietly settle down  and went to sleep... but then...
- But then, at about 5.30am, we were shocked by the cry of my mom ! She was waking up everybody and ask us to have a look at my father. Actually, she is trying to wake him up for subuh... but he didnt respond..
I called my elder brother who stayed 3rd floor in the same building...
- I tried my best to wake him up - but he just continue "sleeping" - as if want to "play dead" with us...
At that time, I knew my father already gone... I feel his body... still warm and fresh... his hands, his body, his legs, even his face is still "blushing"...
- I know I cant do anything more... my mom, well, all i can say is that, nobody cant believe what happened. He was perfectly well at night before...

(6hours before:
My brother told me that, the nnight before, at about 10pm, my brother bought mee gorenf for the family. Everybody is enjoying their meals, including my father. The only strange thing is that, normaly my sister always sit next to him. but that night, my sister sit in front of him. and while having the meal, he spent most of the time looking at my sister. she did feel weird about it and asked my father - why u looked at me like that - he told her that - "nothing... its  just that i didnt really look at you for quite some time.."
maybe that is his last word and his last meal...)

7am:
- My brother called the ambulance, and the ambulance came, and confirm that my father already passed away..
- I called my boss at Labuan to tell him what happen... he told me that, since the preparation and documentation already completed for me to go to London, i might as well go to London. My flight to London is about 1130pm. and i have to cx in at KLIA at abt 9.30pm, which means i have to start going out fm my house at abt 8pm. The catch is - majlis tahlil will commence after maghrib prayer! I am very reluctant to go to London at that time...
- So, all the relatives and friends already made known, and most of them arrived at the house to pay their last respect... my brother and sister continue the process; the police report, the doctor report, the mosque for his last bath, not forgetting prepare the grave...
- at about 12pm, they bring the body to the mosque, and we gave him his last bath...
after zohor, we perform the prayer for him and bring him to the graveyard...
at about 3pm, the whole process is completed and we all went home...
i still in shock and cant believe what had happened...
its too fast for me..
- Through out the afternoon, the house is prepared for the tahlil. but - for me, i am preparing my luggage to go for the simulator...
- after maghrib, the house is already full of relatives and friends, waiting for the tahlil... at same time, i am dragging my luggage to the car - even the imam ask me "are you going back to London"  ? (as if my house is in London!)
- then, my wife sent me to the airport, and i checked in...
- its just too fast ... too fast to believe what had just happened..

Demam...

Hari ini dalam sejarah - satu rumah demam!

- Semuanya bermula dengan Darwisy Iman pada pertengahan April yang lalu... Kami dapati dibadan dia macam ada kayap. Jadi, kami pun bawaklah dia ke klinik... hendak dijadikan cerita, Dini & Danish pun demam juga, maka kesimpulannya, tiadalah yang kesekolah. Iman pulak, oleh kerana kena benda tu, terus dapat cuti dua minggu. Maka secara tak langsung jugak, Dafiny pun takk la kesekolahhhh.... 
- Isnin, 30hb April, lepas waktu kerja; saya pulak rasa tak sedap badan, maka terus diajak isteri saya ke klinik. Sambil2 bersiap utk ke klinik (selepas magrib), kami dapati Dafiny pulak nampak sugul. Bila diperiksa, memang agak panas badan dia. Pada masa yang sama, Dyna pun asyik merengek sepanjang hari. Jadinya, saya dafiny dan dyna lah yang report sakit hari tu...
- Selasa, 1hb May, nasib baik cuti hari pekerja; saya langsung tak boleh bangun... rasa sengal seluruh badan... Ingatkan boleh berehat, tengok2, isteri saya baru kena demam pulak - maka terpaksalah saya cuba juga uruskan serba sikit urusan rumah - terutamanya Dyna & Dafiny... Angah pun sebenarnya kurang sihat/demam juga, tapi dia dah  bertindak lebih awal dengan memakan ubat demam... Maka agak kurang kesan demam kepada dia... Malam tu juga, lepas magrib (mcm biasa) - saya dan isteri pergi lagi sekali ke klinik, kali ni untuk ambil ubat & MC untuk isteri saya. Saya juga dapat penambahan ubat sebab batuk dan lemah badan.
- Rabu, 2hb May, saya tak kerja; terlalu lemah rasanya untuk bekerja - walaupun tak terbang hari tu, saya tetap rasa tak sedap badan dan perlukan rehat yang panjang. Saya ambil keputusan untuk lapor sakit di RSAT dannnn... doctor bagi saya cuti rehat 2 hari !!!
- Maka secara rasminya; habislah seluruh rumah kena demam yang "dimulakan" oleh Iman tu...
- Setakat saat saya menulis ni, cuma isteri saya, Angah & Dyna saja yang belum nampak tanda2 sembuh betul, cuma lebih baik sikit dari hari sebelumnya...
- hmm.. gitu lah adanya...

The First Mission

Salam all,

Its been quite sometime since i wrote anything again... and its already New Year for all of us...

1. I was commisioned as a SAR (Search and Rescue) pilot on November 2011. Before this, I was only a copilot for few missions. But this time, I am "alone", deciding every move made and responsible for any actions taken by any crew member..

2.I waited and waited for my first mission, and finally on January 28th 2012, I got my first mission..

3.It was Saturday. As always, me and my wife went for our weekly jogging. We went as far as 7km out before we decided to head back home. Another 5km to reach home, I received a call from my operation room (ops room) that they received a call for SAR mission...

4. I quickly respond to the call and by 0900h I was already in the ops room, waiting for further instruction from the Rescue Center.

5. Me and the crew was told that one boat capsized and 4 person missing. The location is about 5nm north of Pulau Tioman. At about 1030h, we were already airborne and the plan is we straight away go to the search area and after that go back to Kuantan base for refueling...
6. About 1130h, we were inside the search area and begin our mission... I was really hoping that I will find the survivor and make my day..

7. But after 90minutes searching, we found nothing... no survivor to be recued. so I decided to go back to Kuantan for refueling. after refueled, we went for another search.. this time we go to the area between Pulau Tioman and also the mainland... still, after 2hour of search, we found nothing.

8. By that time, one ship from navy and another ship from maritime already arrived at the scene for the search... since we already low of fuel, I decided to go back to Kuantan for another refueling, and it was already almost 5pm.

9. Then I make the mistake. I decided to go back to Subang, assuming the search mission for me was over. So, after the refueling, I start the aircraft and headed back to Subang. Arrived at Subang, my boss was "angry" because I made such a decision. I was suppose to contact the Rescue Center, and ask them whether to continue the mission or not. Its not my decision to discontinue the mission! I admit my mistake and I learned well from that..

10. Since then, I am still waiting for another SAR mission and this time, I will not make the same mistake again..